Dyslexic Driving (or How I Came to Drive on the Wrong Side of the Road)

This new year brought some new changes. One of them is the inclusion of driving into my everyday. Mind you, I don't mind walking, biking or taking public transport, but there are times when a car is just a must.

That being said....

There are a few differences here on the continent of Australia. We have, of course, the obvious. People drive on the left side of the road...not too bad...but add to that the fact that the driver sits on the right side of the car, the passenger side in America, and my left eye starts to twitch...my head begins to ache, and I can't drive and speak at the same time.

That's not true...I can speak, but having a conversation is dangerous...concentration is at a premium. I now realize how driving (in America) had become second nature; how multi-tasking isn't just a concept, but a reality. Talking, texting, conversing, changing the music, singing, thinking about anything but driving...all this while careening down the freeway at speeds that could flatten the best of vehicles. Ahhhh, but I digress...

OK, back to the car...here I am sitting in what I have known to be the passenger seat with the steering wheel in my lap...not just that...in Australian vehicles the turn signal stem is on the right, and the window wiper stem is on the left. I can't count the number of times I have signaled a right hand turn by turning on the wipers...seems most drivers don't realize that wipers going crazy on a sunny day is another way of saying...”I'm an American in Australia trying to turn right, and at the moment, I can't find the turn signal stem.”....to sum up, I have issued a wild windshield cleaning (no rain, no windshield cleaner) many a time, to show that I wanted to turn right (or left)...small inconvenience...

Yasmin just reminded me how we used to joke with each other that when we got to Australia, we would both be sitting on the same side of the car...she would no longer be the passenger, but the driver; and I would go from driver to passenger...all without switching sides of the vehicle!

I do want to say this...THANK GOD FOR AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSIONS...changing gears with my left hand would have sent me over the edge! So...here's how it goes...

STEP ONE: Out of the driveway we go...it's a one car driveway...10 feet (3.05 meters)...I measured...now deduct 15.5 inches (40cm) for the chimney and 6.5 inches (16.8cm) for the fence posts, and you end up with a squeaking tight get-me-out-of-the-driveway maneuver...I admit to having to stop; pull up; and reverse again...better than scraping a swath of paint off Yasmin's car...but I have conquered the backing-out-the-driveway move....and yes, I use the mirrors...

STEP TWO: The streets of Melbourne...talking to the streets of Melbourne offer some new and exciting possibilities of damaging both humans and property...less worried about the property, so I'm always letting people cross in front of me...even though that's not the standard here...I know I frustrate many an Oz driver for doing that...but better safe then sorry...now about those signs...there are STOP signs...OK, a similarity...but they are interspersed with GIVE WAY signs (the Oz version of YIELD)...which, is not bad...I mean everyone in CA (and the rest of the USA) is rolling through those annoying little STOP signs anyway....BUT....I have to remember to LOOK RIGHT first...not LEFT...not like I have been doing for a majority of my life...but LEFT...because that's the first place you will be hit in a collision....driver mistake...driver gets the crunch first....OK....AND...if I'm turning right, LOOK LEFT...because that's the lane I am trying to turn into....now, not only is my left eye twitching, but my hands have become (literally) embedded into the steering wheel....

Trams, as wonderful as they are, have to have tracks (in the roadway) and special rules....you can drive on the tracks (usually in the right hand lane...they make the strangest squeaky/rubbing sounds), but you must yield, oops, GIVE WAY, to the tram...sometimes, you must stop (usually when passengers are disembarking) which is no problem because the tram is 12 tons bigger then me....whilst you are keeping your attention on the tram situation, don't forget the cyclist...Melbourne is blessed with many bike lanes that lead into the CBD (Central Business District, or Downtown as I would say), and they are used quite frequently...wonderful use of green energy...I'm sure they cringe whenever they see a green Subaru Forrester...probably for the rest of their cycling days....but I do try and GIVE WAY to them also...easier then wondering what the PROPER thing to do is...but I'm sure it confuses and confounds most, if not all, of the other drivers on the road....

STEP THREE: Parking lots...not much to say here...the parking lots here are just as dangerous as the ones in the US...just everyone is coming in the opposite direction...(LOOK RIGHT – DRIVE LEFT).

STEP FOUR: Return home...I will say I get a great nights sleep after driving....total relaxation...dreams of semi-tractor trailers, road trains (semis towing two huge trailers), motorcycles, bicycles, pedestrians, prams, trams, buses...its a big city with never ending movement...all I can say is BEWARE OF ANY GREEN SUBARU FORRESTERS...at least for the next couple of months!